AYOAGT Day 3, Part 2
1241 p.m. I write this paragraph after I wrote the rest of this blog post and journaling entry. It’s a heavy one, like the previous blog post. Let me warn you of that. My first inclination when I got home was to not even publish this one and share it with you. I don’t want to be a downer. Too many heavy thoughts at the beginning of this thanksgiving blog might be a turn-off for you. But, isn’t this entire year and blog about learning to offer thanks always in and and for all things? Even the ugly, messy? Needless to say, I quickly realized the error of that thinking. Life is messy. When we deny it, we live only a quarter of real life. We then live only with the small sunshine-happy-go-lucky thoughts, where we deny most of life. Life is messy and at times ugly. It has pain. Life isn’t always pretty. However, it’s the storms that bring the rain, which blossoms and blooms the flowers. So, here is this blog post. Tough. Painful. Messy. These are the thoughts of a fool (me):
April 09, 2014, Wednesday, 918 a.m.
MAINSTREAM AND CHRISTIAN JOURNALING
Okay... So, I need some time to process what just happened, in the midst of my breakthrough and already heavy heart. Shower time it is. I need to breathe... and pray... and think...
1016 a.m.
Found out I know someone whose family lives right there. Waiting to hear...
Decided to get out of the house again, but this time with no rush. I'm at my favorite American food place, where a couple friends work. It's a place I can write and enjoy some coffee and food. Granted, I really hoped to see E and chat with her about what all is going on. I can get personal with her. She is Christian and knows more of the spiritual side of things. There is a reason.
1034 a.m.
I keep checking the news from my cell to see the latest in Pittsburgh.
I am thankful for:
65 The person who did the stabbing is in custody.
66 A 10th grade girl had the wise insight to pull the fire alarm--and was able to do so.
67 As bad as this sounds... that only 20ish were injured. Could have been much worse. But, that is one too many!!!
68 Four have sustained life-threatening injuries, but WILL make it.
69 The female who applied pressure to one of the wounds... doctor told her later she saved the person's life.
70 It's over... well... the incident is over. (But... For those there... and those who know someone there... the time of grief and healing has just begun...)
71 The opportunity for each family, the school, and community to unite, grow closer, to lean on one another, to build up one another. They are not alone. No! They are not alone. And never have to be.
I pray they lean on the families from Columbine, Sandy Hook Elementary (Newtown), Virginia Tech, Arapahoe High School, Aurora movie theatre, Boston Marathon, 9-11... etc... and all the others I didn't list. They have brothers and sisters who have similar experiences. All of us are here if they need a shoulder, ear, advice, even someone to vent to, etc. Each can say what worked for them, what didn't, what they wish they could have done differently in the healing process, etc. All are counts of experience and knowledge. Sages.
My other thoughts:
Not again, Lord.
More innocence lost.
Lives changed on a dime.
Lives that will never be the same.
Pain.
Memories.
Grief.
For those of us who are not nearby... who know no one there, we feel for Pittsburgh. Deeply. Not like you there. Yet, we still have been still touched by it. We feel. We wish we could hug you. Know this. We are thinking of you and praying for you. We will not forget. We will mark this as a permanent calendar reminder and remember you every year and will honor your experience. We will help by thinking and praying of and for you throughout the day for the next few months. We will be intentional about this. You are not alone. We are your family... all of us alive today... all of us Americans in particular. And families of other stabbings, shootings, bombings. We will not forget.We choose not to do so--ever.
Those of the Boston Marathon Bombing on 13 April 2013... This week is tough. And that was before… Memories flood back as you hear of Pittsburgh. You were in our thoughts and prayers as it was, now even more so now. And, we know you'll reach out to Pittsburgh.
Stabbings, shootings, bombings all mean lives changing on a dime. Each are horrendous and senseless. A brotherhood and sisterhood are formed--even if those who have never met, but have experienced this.
As a normal, everyday gal, who as of last night, had a painful breakthrough because of another life changing on a dime experience, I am humbled. I have new perspective. I ache for you. But, I have to admit. I cannot wait to see how you use your pain for the good and how you become a better person because you choose it.
Let me be honest here. It is a LIE that time heals all wounds. Whoever says that either has never experienced that kind of pain, or has never dealt with it and has avoided their grief work. They have allowed pain to control them and their lives. (Sad. Understandable.)
But, let me tell you about time and pain. The wound eventually turns into a scar. Scar tissue makes the area injured stronger than before and it takes more to injure that site again. This is true of mental scars, too.
Pain can become a companion instead of an enemy. This is when you have dealt with your grief and pain and refuse to allow it to control you or your life. It's where you feel pain, sure, but it pushes you forward and makes you strive for the better. This pain companion makes you stronger and makes you an overcomer. It makes you strive even harder for excellence and the best life possible. This pain companion is then something beautiful and becomes a blessing.
But, it takes time. It takes... Healing. Intentionality. Choice.
Hearing about Pittsburgh makes my life-changing-on-a-dime-experience seem small. I feel ashamed for feeling the pain. What I'm going through, and have gone through, is NOTHING compared to Pittsburgh. Nothing.
Then, I remember what I've told others. I've said,a s a chaplain and counselor, to people who have said that about their pain: "This is your pain and is unique to you. You've never experienced this before. It does not make your pain greater or lesser. It makes it yours."
Oh, yeah. That's right.
I will take all of the old pain and new pain from today and allow it to make me stronger. It will make me better. I choose it. I will not allow the pain to control me. I will deal with the pain and not allow it to deal with me.
And, I hope the same with you. Your pain from today--and yesterday.
~ Stacy Duplease
Christian, Patriot, Writer, Journalkeeper
Main Writing Blog:
AYOAGT (A Year of Always Giving Thanks) Blog:
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