What have you mourned in your life?: A Journaling Exercise

Journaling isn't just something we do when we want to think with the good parts of our life. Life is full of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the indifferent. It's always fluid. Life changes on a dime. Hence, our journals are meant to encapsulate all of these dimensions. 

If we only journal about just the good parts of life, and the easy parts of life, we miss most of our lives. We then live in a fantasy world at that point and have a very minimal, unrealistic, point-of-view. 

Journaling about the good, the bad, the ugly, and the indifferent makes you more well-rounded and helps bring you perspective--and later new perspective and point-of-view. 

This includes times of mourning.

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

* What have you mourned in your life? Who have you mourned in your life?

* How has this shaped who you are today?

Stacy Duplease
Journalkeeper & Author

The Remembering Your Present Journal Keeping Series

Email: storykeeper2121@gmail.com

Bookstore: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/hisfiction

dba Remembering Your Present, LLC & Storykeeper 2121

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease. 2010.)

Journaling through the tough stuff of life: A Journaling Exercise

I do not know about you, but I've been in a funk ever since I heard about the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shootings in Newtown, Connecticut. I've been in mourning and grieving for family I do not know. I count them as family because we live in the same country, the USA. (We are supposed to be united, after all.) 

You also might have noticed how I have received pinpointed point-of-view--where I have analyzed my life, along with that of our nation. (That will be talked more about on a later day.) But, I also haven't talked much about journaling. Sure. I took some time off to do nothing but pray and journal. But, I haven't talked much about how to journal or how to journal through, most importantly, hard and unfathomable times like this. 

What do you do when something so awful and nightmarish happened that you do not have the words, let alone the comprehension of the situation? How do you handle when the unspeakable happens? How do you handle when real-life is worse than the stuff in nightmares?

How do you handle the tough stuff of life? 

The answer is simple: You journal.

I am sure you noticed that was my first inclination after I received the news about Sandy Hook. I immediately went to my blog and said I was shutting down to pray and journal for the day.

That is precisely what I did. 

And that is what I did all day and night Friday. 

The weekend was full of stuff to do. But, the radio was on all the time, playing in the background. I was in a funk all weekend, needless to say. And it carried through yesterday as well. Yesterday was another day for me to journal and try to process what happened, my reaction to it, and what it meant in my life. 

Yesterday, I kept flashing back to Shar's shooting when she was murdered. I also kept thinking of Columbine--and the students I knew who were there that day. I also cannot help but think of the Memorial Service of Columbine--and that of Shar's. Then, that reminds me of the Aurora Movie Theater Shooting. My husband and I spend two weeks back home in Colorado and were by that theater three times or more. I even knew a couple fo people who were going to go see the movie that night, but didn't go. 

Flashbacks. The sense of loss. Mourning. Praying. Trying to find my way.

Today, I am coming out of the funk. I am no longer just going through the motions. I am coming back to life. But, I still realize I have a lot of journaling to do. A lot, a lot, a lot. A lot. 

So, how do you journal through the tough stuff of life?

JOURNALING THROUGH THE TOUGH STUFF OF LIFE

When the unthinkable, unspeakable happens, first turn to God in prayer. Then, turn to God and pray in your journal, if you are a Christian. If you are not, turn to your journal anyway and do whatever spiritual thing that brings you comfort. 

How do you do this?

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

1 Grab your journal.

2 Write the time and date. 

3 Write what happened.

4 Throw-up on paper. Write everything, and I mean EVERY thing, that comes to mind. Put all the ugly stuff you have boiling up inside. Put it on the page so it doesn't have to spill forth on anything or anyone else. Get it out. Do this as long as it takes. Take minutes to hours to days to weeks or even months. Just make sure to get it all out and capture it on the page. 

How do you know when you get it all out? You don't feel like crying, smashing something, or yelling. You get to the point where you have a sense of peace--where you surely do not understand anything, but you can think clearly again. Keep throwing-up on paper until you get to this point. And, make sure to throw-up on paper again later if you feel like crying, smashing something, or yelling. 

5 When you come to the point that you feel a sense of peace and can think again, move to this step. Ask yourself what got to you so much? What caused the reaction in your? How did this impact you and why? Is there something you need to deal with? Did something from your past rise up and demand attention? Were you reminded of something? Spend a lot of time on this as wlel. Make sure to do lots of SOC (Stream of Consciousness) Journaling -where you write anything and everything that comes to mind. 

6 What emotions did you feel or are you feeling?

7 What keeps running through your mind?

8 What do you want to do in response? 

9 What should you do in response?

10 How has your life been changed because of this event?

11 What lessons have you learned?

12 What has God said to you through all of this?

13 What have you said to God? 

14 How can you help others through this--or a situation like this--now and/or later? 

15 What does this mean for your life in the future? How does this change things for you? 

16 Write a summary. 

17 Anything else you want to journal about regarding this situation. 

Do all of that and you will start to heal. 

~ Stacy Duplease

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease.)

Senselessness

I know firsthand what it is like to have your family become national news. I also know what it's like to make national news because a loved one was shot and killed by evil. I also know what it's like to experience this before Christmas. 09 December 1998 is a date I will never forget. Those three things happened to my family on 09 December 1998. 

So, you see, Sandy Hook is terrible as it is. But, when you can relate to what they are going through (while not exactly because they are different incidents and we all grieve differently), it makes it even more personal.

What happened at Sandy Hook is the nightmare of nightmares. It shows the depravity of mankind and the power of evil. 

I know what it's like to question why--and to realize the answers will never come in this life. One day, though, if we make it to eternity and heaven, things will make more sense then. But, not until then. 

All the other questions play with your mind and plague you. 

The stupid things people do and say. "Time heals all wounds " is my personal favorite (not!). Looking back at Shar's death 14 years later, after Sandy Hook, the pain is just as raw and fresh as it was then. I just know how to deal with it differently now. My coping mechanisms have improved since that terrible day. I guess you could say that the pain has become a companion and friend, not an enemy.

I no longer fight the pain. I know to acknowledge it, feel it, and consciously work through it now. It's a skill I've learned since then.

Christmas is difficult afterward such a senseless tragedy, I will not lie. But, it's become even more meaningful to me. I know what it's like to lose someone you care for before Christmas. Murder makes it more difficult. But, it sure makes you hold onto who you have, what you have, and where you are--once you sort through the pain for a bit. 

That is why I am spending this week in mourning. It's because I know, somewhat, what the friends, families, and victims of the Sandy Hook Shooting are going through. It, too, has stirred up my own stuff. I will walk with them through their pain--because I know. I really do. 

JOURNALING EXERCISE:

What has the Sandy Hook Shootings stirred up in your own life? (After all, you do not have to experience something personally to imagine the pain someone else goes through--and this can stir up stuff in your own life.) 

~ Stacy Duplease

(Image Credit: Microsoft Images Online.) 

Forever Changed, Always Remembered

There are dates, remembrances, experiences, and memories that are permanently stamped in my life. I do not know about you. Friday, 14 December 2012 is another one in my life. This was the day of Sandy Hook.

There are also times when you know your life is forever changed because of that moment--and it will always be remembered. 

The Sandy Hook Elementary school Shooting and Massacre is another one of this times. 

The children, and adults who died, are forever stamped in my heart. I will not forget them. Ever. 

This week will be a week spent in mourning of them--and remembering them. I refuse to go around or be happy-go-lucky, joy-joy-joy because it's the week before Christmas. Celebration of the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ, is next week. Not this week. 

There are parents who will never see their children again. Spouses who no longer have their loved one by their side. Families and friends are experiencing loss. This makes my heart ache. 

I want the loved ones of those lost on Friday--and of those who experienced the shootings--to know that I refuse to let them walk this alone. I may not know them, but they are souls. They are my fellow Americans--and that makes them family. 

How can we celebrate and pretend like nothing happened? Is it just because it didn't happen to us, if we do? If so, we are far worse than I knew as a nation. 

Again, it amazes me how few blogs have stopped and mourned what happened. How can this be? When did we become some cold and calloused? When did we become so uncaring? 

I refuse to be glued to the TV. I will mourn in my own way. 

I refuse to live in denial and carry on like nothing has happened. It has. 

My blog posts this week will focus on dealing with loss, mourning/grieving, and how it changes us (or at least it should). 

This week will be a heavy week. But, it will make us appreciate even more why Jesus Christ was born and what He did for us--next week. 

On Friday, I heard a wise quote that I am going to live by from now on:

Silence is the enemy of healing. 

That is why this week will be a week of journaling about loss and how loss shapes and transforms our lives. 

Silence is the enemy of healing. 

How profound. 

That quote stopped my in my tracks, so to speak. 

I refuse to be silent. I want to heal. I want to help others heal as well.

Is this our problem in the USA? Have we been silent for too long? Have we been so silent, we haven't healed? 

Let's not be silent. Let us do more journaling than we ever have in our lives this week. Let us stop our silence--and do so on the page. 

Sandy Hook, you are remembered. We have been forever changed because of what happened to you. We want to support you and we mourn your loss. While we cannot imagine what you are going through, we are here for you. We refuse to go on like nothing happened. We will remember. We will not allow any of this to be in vain. We will mourn with you and remember every 14 December from now on. God bless you. 

~ Stacy Duplease

(Image Credit: Stacy Duplease. 2012.)